


How to Say Pig in Orion

by Telesilla



Series: I'm a Doctor, Not Your Mother [2]
Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-09
Updated: 2009-07-09
Packaged: 2017-10-04 05:07:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gaila wants to take Kirk down a peg or two and Lenore knows just what will do it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Say Pig in Orion

**Author's Note:**

> Not much to say about this one. Except that it takes place right before the scene where Kirk tells McCoy that he wants to take the _Kobayashi Maru_ again.

"Your roommate is a...an _ilothic_!"

Lenore looked up from her lunch to find the Orion cadet--Gaila, right?--looking down at her.

"What the hell is that?" she asked and then remembered her manners. "Sorry. Have a seat."

"_Ilothici_ are animals that eat garbage," Gaila said as she sat down across from Lenore.

"We've got animals like that here on Earth." Lenore grinned. "They're called pigs and, yeah, the term applies to guys like Jim."

"Why do you put up with him?

It was a question she'd asked herself on numerous occasions, so she could hardly blame Gaila for wanting to know. "True, he's an arrogant asshole, but he's almost as good as he thinks he is. And, under that annoying exterior, he's a good friend." She shrugged. "He needs someone like me around to knock him down once in a while."

"He's even worse in bed, you know."

Lenore frowned. "Really? I'd heard that...."

"Oh no, he's a really good lay. Not all 'collision course at ramming speed' like some guys. I _like_ having sex with him." She sighed. "It's just he's really arrogant there too."

"Why am I not surprised?"

There was a pause while Lenore took a few bites and then Gaila gave her a serious look. "Say I wanted to deflate...his ego. Any ideas?"

"Well, telling him he's a crappy fuck won't work; he's heard the opposite too many times." Lenore pondered for a moment, turning over insults in her mind. "Tell him you love him," she finally said.

"Love? Jim Kirk? I don't think so."

"Look, I didn't say that you actually have to love him, just _say_ that you do."

"Why?"

"I've never met a guy as commitment-shy as Jim. I'm a doctor, not a shrink, but trust me. You tell him you love him and he'll freak."

"What if he says it back?"

"Do you want him to?"

"No!" Gaila looked genuinely appalled by the idea and Lenore relaxed. Jim had somehow managed not to leave any broken hearts behind him and Lenore was pleased to see that Gaila wouldn't be an exception to that rule.

"If he says it back--not that he will--but if he does, laugh at him."

Gaila seemed to think it over for a moment and then nodded. "Thank you," she said with a slight smirk. "I'll let you know...."

Lenore shook her head and held a hand up. "Jim," she said as Jim came up behind Gaila.

"Bones, Gaila. Mind if I join you?"

"I have to go," Gaila said, getting up. She smiled at Lenore. "Thanks for the advice; if it works, I'll...maybe we can have dinner or something. See you later, Jim."

"Sounds good." Lenore watched her walk off, marveling at how good she made the boring cadet uniform look.

"What...Bones, were you hitting on her?"

Lenore just laughed. "Far from it, Jim. Far from it."

"Okay." He still looked skeptical, but Lenore just raised an eyebrow at him and finished off the last bite of her sandwich.

"C'mon," she said to Jim, "I'm done."

"After you, Bones," he said with a broad grin.

As they walked out into the bright sunshine of a San Francisco afternoon Jim was still grinning.

"Why are you so happy?" Lenore asked, not really caring about the answer. Let him think that she was grumpy, let him think whatever he wanted; she couldn't wait to hear about what happened when Gaila hit him square between the eyes with that photon torpedo.

_-end-_


End file.
